The welcome back to the city after the holidays has been…REAL! Monday, I allowed myself a cab so that I could ease in slowly on the way to work. Tuesday did not disappoint as I get on a packed subway and see five (5) empty seats. I start to walk over when I hear the screaming and quickly turn right back around (sung to the tune of Tracy Chapman’s classic hit). As the crowds part, I realize there is a woman lying under all 5 of those coveted empty seats screaming at people to not look at her or touch her while she spits at them. She does this for the entire trip all while singing only the main chorus line of “I Was Born Free” in a drunken slur. #toosoon
Wednesday it took me about an hour and fifteen awesome minutes to get home because of an “earlier incident” (read: fake train work).
Yesterday on the way home from work a man was freaking out on a rant to “Horatio” a phantom person on the crowded train. His words: “I know you like to smoke weed. I saw you on 116th. I’m gonna get your mother f-Ing ass you mother f-ing prankster not a mother f-ing gangster. You don’t try that sh*t in midtown where the police are. Let’s take this outside above 116th and really take care of this thing. If you don’t hit on me or spit on me shut your mouth. Don’t you worry I got a 38 and a 38 don’t jam. Come uptown and let’s take care of things.” I was more than happy to get off the train and 125th and wait that one out. No.
This morning takes the cake though! I get on the train and am immediately granted a lovely woodwind performance by a guy flailing to gain balance on the rushing train. Sit down, sir. Then a guy gets on the train covered in paint AND bruises. He proceeds to ask everyone on the train by getting in their face if they too are getting off at Norstrand in Brooklyn like he is. He then sits down next to me (awesome), gets mad because he can’t find his tissue and proceeds to blow his nose into his scarf and then apologize to everyone. Then he starts singing only the profane words of the song he is listening to in his slightly drunk and French accent. Stomping his feet and flailing his arms. Nope. All done with the crazy. #calgontakemeaway #talesfromtheAtrain #blondiesperception